


“Why didn’t you tell me? “ [Laurens x Reader]

by brilliantboffins



Series: Hamilton Requests [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Modern AU, RPF, Reader Insert, Suspected Infidelity, Tumblr, prompt, request, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:58:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilliantboffins/pseuds/brilliantboffins
Summary: Prompt: “Why didn’t you tell me? ”Summary: John's been keeping something important from you.Y/N = your name(Use these extensions to replace Y/N with your name:Chrome: “Search and Replace”FiredFox:“Find and Replace”)





	“Why didn’t you tell me? “ [Laurens x Reader]

 

“Y/N! Wait up!”

Your steps paused as you heard a familiar voice calling from behind followed by the sound of rushing footsteps. Turning, you see the looming figure of a certain Frenchman running to catch up with you, his bag bouncing at his side.

“Hey, Laf. What’re you doing here? I thought you were going out with John and them? Boys night out, right?” You asked in puzzlement.

Lafayette took a moment to catch his breath before he looked at you in confusion.

“Quoi? Zis I did not ‘ear. I do not sink zere was any plans wis ze ozers tonight,” he replied.

You grew even more baffled as you pulled out your phone and tapped open the message John had sent to you earlier.

“But John definitely said something was going on. Look, see?”

You held up the phone for Lafayette to check and he scrolled through the last few messages.

\---------------------  
**Me:**  
_Hey, wanna do pizza tonight? I can pick one up on my way home._

 **J.freckles <3**  
_Sorry babe, gotta meet the guys tonight. Working on something._

 **Me:**  
_Aww, bummer. You just saw them yesterday, though. I’ve barely gotten to see you this week._

 **J.freckles <3**  
_I know baby girl, I’m sry. It’s just this project, you know. Promise I’ll make it up to you._

 **Me:**  
_All right T^T But I expect pizza and cake as compensation._

 **J.freckles <3**  
_Lol, roger that princess._

\---------------------

Lafayette frowned as he re-read the words.

“Mais, Y/N, I ‘ave not seen John all week. And Zere is no project…I do not understand.”

Your brow furrowed as you took your phone back and put it away.

“But why would he lie to me? Maybe the project’s with Alex, Herc, and Aaron?” You tried to rationalize. It would be strange for them not to do anything that included Lafayette, or at least not have the Frenchman know about it, but surely your boyfriend had a good reason for all of this.

“Non, Herc and Aaron are not in ze city. Zey went home for ze break. Aaron wanted me to go wis ‘im mais I prefer to stay ‘ere.”

Your heart sunk as you tried desperately not to jump to conclusions.

“O-oh…um, but that still leaves Alex.”

Lafayette brightened and nodded.

“Oui! ‘e is probably wis Alexander. ‘ave no fear, my dear Y/N, per’aps zey are preparing une fête surprise for you!”

You laughed a little, not convinced at all but not wanting Lafayette to see how worried you were. After all, there was no occasion for a party right now and even if that was the case why wouldn’t they include Lafayette?

“Right, tu as raison French fry,” you replied in easy French making Lafayette laugh, “Well since you’re here come shopping with me. I need to get food for tonight.”

The man nodded and happily looped his arm with yours, steering you down the sidewalk.

\------------------------------------------

For a while your conversation with Lafayette was forgotten. Life continued and it seemed things went back to normal. But every time John mentioned going out with ‘the boys’ you couldn’t help but wonder. You didn’t want to think that he was avoiding you, but it seemed like he never met your eyes when the two of you talked anymore and whenever you tried to touch him, even something as simple as a hug, he would jump and make some excuse to move away. As much as you wanted to believe your boyfriend wouldn’t be the kind to go behind your back it was starting to become more and more difficult to silence the suspicions in your head.

Still, you kept quiet, wanting to see if John would come to you voluntarily. Even if your relationship was over you wanted him to come and tell you himself, without needing you to force it out of him.

“John? You home?” You called as you took off your shoes and put your keys on the counter.

It had been a busy shift at work and you were looking forward to a nice relaxing evening at home.

“Bedroom, baby girl!” He answered, and you followed his voice to find him lounging on the bed with his phone, “Welcome back. How was work?”

You groaned and rubbed your shoulder, feeling how tense the muscles were.

“Ugh, usual. Snippy customers, raging manager, got one asshole who tried to bitch about two dudes at one of the tables holding hands. What a dick, I mean seriously,” you rolled your eyes as you recalled the encounter. Luckily your manager had kicked the homophobic idiot out, but it still rubbed you the wrong way, and you could tell the two men had been hurt and embarrassed at getting singled out in a busy café.

John grimaced and quickly averted his eyes, scrolling on his phone.

“Hm…sorry you had to deal with that. But at least your shift’s done and you’re free for the next few days.”

You nodded and reached under your shirt to unhook your bra, slipping it off and tossing it to the floor with a relieved sigh. Hopping onto the bed, you crawled over to your boyfriend and laid your head in his lap with a content little smile.

“Yessssss, freedoooom! The Founding Fathers of this country did not fight so I’d have to pour coffee for assholes eight hours a day.”

John laughed as he carded his fingers through your hair as he finally put the phone down. You snuggled close and tugged his shirt up revealing his solid stomach. Pressing your lips to the muscles, you hummed happily. You’ve missed being with him, feeling his hands on you, holding you, whispering dirty images in your ear, the burn of his cock sliding into you. It’s been over a week and you were too tired to deal with conspiracies, lies, suspicions, you just wanted to be with your boyfriend and feel wanted again.

Your hands tugged at John’s jeans, popping the button open and sliding the zipper down. To your surprise, he wasn’t hard at all, not even a little. John normally had a high sex-drive so for him to not even react at all to the prospect of sex was odd. Still, you didn’t give up. Sliding a hand between the opening you rubbed him through his boxers, crawling up onto your knees so that you could kiss him. His expression was tense, almost pained, and while he let you kiss him there was no reciprocation at all.

Feeling confused and kind of hurt, you pulled back, eyes watching your boyfriend closely. His face was red but it wasn’t from arousal, and he completely avoided eye contact. Even a moron could tell that he didn’t want this and you felt all your suppressed emotions rising to the surface.

Swallowing hard, you turned to get off the bed. You needed to calm yourself before you said something you regretted, so you jerked off your workplace uniform and slammed open the closet door to grab something else to wear. With quick and jerky movements you got dressed, not saying anything or even looking at your boyfriend. Finally, as you headed for the door you heard the bed sheets rustle.

“Y/N…w-wait…,” a weak voice called out halting your steps.

You rested one hand on the doorframe and took a deep breath.

“What?” You snapped, trying to keep the trembling from your voice.

“I-I’m sorry, I guess I’ve just been tired recently. You know, work and stuff. Come back to bed, we’ll try again, I’ll do better, ok baby girl?” He begged.

You whirled around and glared hard, the endearment angering you more than anything else.

“Don’t fucking call me that! Don’t say it like you still care about me, like you still love me. I think it’s pretty damn obvious you have no interest in being with me anymore.” You cried as the beginnings of tears gathered in your eyes.

He shrunk back against the headboard.

“Baby..p-please. I know I hurt you, I’m sorry. I DO still love you, of course I do! You’re my baby, we’ve been through so much.”

You threw back your head and gave a sarcastic laugh, running a hand through your hair.

“I don’t understand,” you began as you started pacing the room, “Did I do something? It’s been months, John. MONTHS. You’ve been lying about hanging out with the guys, you sneak off at night, come home late, you don’t want sex, keep me at arm’s length, and I’ve been trying so bloody hard to not say anything. I wanted to believe you weren’t like that, or at least whatever’s happened our relationship was close enough that you would talk to me about it, instead it’s been radio fucking silence.”

You looked over at him accusingly, tears pouring down your cheeks by now.

“So what is it, John? You don’t want to be with me anymore? You found someone else? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? If this relationship is over can you at least let me know so I’m not over here making a motherfucking fool of myself?!”

You slumped against a wall and slid down to sit on the floor, knees drawn up as you wept. Despite the brave front you had put up through these past few months, it hurt. Every time John turned away from you claiming he was ‘too tired’, it had hurt. Every time he said he didn’t have time for dinner together, it had hurt. What hurt the most was trying to imagine him enjoying his time with another girl, the two of them laughing, cuddling, sharing kisses as you waited in your empty apartment for a boyfriend who didn’t even love you anymore.

John slowly crawled off the bed and came to kneel beside you. Even his curls seemed to droop as he watched you cry, not sure what to do. His normally bright eyes were dulled and shame was written on his face, knowing he had fucked up but not knowing how to fix it.

You knew he was there, but you ignored him, focusing just on crying and getting yourself sorted. As the sobbing calmed, you glared sullenly at him waiting for the man to say something. Instead he just stared at the floor, not speaking a word.

With a frustrated sigh, you stood up and wiped your eyes.

“Whatever. I’m going out. I’ll stay with Angelica tonight. You can bring your new girlfriend here or whatever. I’ll get packed and be out of here by the weekend.”

His hand reached out and grasped yours, although he remained on his knees.

“Y/N…please…just…please, l-let me explain.”

You scoffed and shook your head, “You’ve had plenty of chances to explain, John. Obviously you don’t want to but I can’t keep going like this.”

“I do!” He begged, “I want to explain, and…and it’s not what you think. I mean, n-not really. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you so much, I thought…I thought I could get over it b-but I can’t. I tried, Y/N, I really tried so hard because I love you and wanted to see you happy, but…but recently…”

Silently, you waited for him to continue. John always had difficulty talking about his feelings. His upbringing in a strict, traditional household had taught him that men weren’t suppose to be emotional, and crying was definitely not permitted. It had taken you years to get him to open up and even then you could tell it frightened him to be completely vulnerable.

John took a deep breath and finally looked up, meeting your eyes. There were tears in his matching the ones in yours. He looked so desperate as he clung to your hand, everything in his body begging for you to understand.

“I’m…Y/N, I’m…I’m gay…” he finally admitted.

Everything froze as you stared down at him in shock. The words didn’t quite make it to the processing center of your brain and it took you a few seconds before they finally sunk in. The sad, exhausted expression on your face morphed into one of slight confusion and almost relief as you tilted your head.

“You’re…gay?” You asked, trying to confirm.

John nodded and gulped nervously.

“No one else knows, I haven’t told anyone else. If…If my dad finds out, I can’t even imagine how enraged he’d be.”

You nodded in agreement. Henry Laurens was not fond of anything not considered ‘traditional’ and having a gay son would definitely fly in the face of that.

“B-but you and I..we’ve…I mean, you always seemed to enjoy it…?” You stammered, not sure of your footing.

“I did,” John replied, “But…but my feelings are…they’re not…I mean, physically I enjoyed it but that’s just…physical.”

You winced, feeling just a bit stung, but you recognized how difficult this was for John and gave him credit for admitting to it.

Leaning down, you helped him get up off the floor and steered him to the bed. Both of you sat down side by side, staring at the wall in a daze.

“So…gay. But then what’s with all the sneaking around? Why didn’t you tell me?” You wondered.

John shrugged and fiddled with his fingers in his lap.

“I..I felt embarrassed. And I figured you would be angry, I mean we’ve been together for so long.”

You look at him contemplatively, “Have you always known?”

He bit his lip and nodded, shame painting his face, “Y-yeah…girls never really…interested me that way. But my dad was so insistent on me finding a girlfriend and you…you were just…so much fun to be around. I mean, when we first met we got along great as friends, you were funny, brilliant, and I just figured if I have to get a girlfriend then at least it would be good to be with someone I enjoy spending time with.”

“Huh…well, admittedly I am funny and brilliant not to mention adorable as hell,” you agreed, feeling just a bit vindicated.

He looked at you apprehensively, “Aren’t you…I don’t know, angry or something? I mean, I used you…lied to you all this time.”

You worried your bottom lip between your teeth and pondered. To be honest, anger wasn’t really something you felt right now. Sad, yes, your relationship was surely over now and you loved John so dearly, but what could you do? If he was gay he couldn’t control that and neither could you, so being angry would be pointless.

“No, not really…I mean, you’re going to have to buy me a hell ton of pizza to make up for this, but not really angry right now. Why now, though? We’ve been together for so long, and you just recently started acting weird,” you asked.

A small smile flitted over John’s lips which he quickly schooled away. He looked back down to his lap worriedly.

“There’s…recently I’ve been, um…s-someone…”

“You’ve fallen in love with someone?” You supplied, trying to help.

He blushed and nodded, the adorable expression on his face making your heart ache.

“He’s…kind of crazy. Like a tornado. B-but every time he’s around I can’t help wanting to be close to him…you know?” He chanced a glance at you and found your eyes on him fondly.

John could be quite romantic beneath all his bluster and whoever it was that he’s fallen for, you knew they would be very lucky. Suddenly, your eyes lit up as the pieces snapped together.

“It’s Alex, isn’t it?” You asked, looking just a bit gleeful, “You’re in love with Alexander Hamilton.”

John sputtered and turned wide eyes to you, the redness of his cheeks making the freckles stand out even more prominently.

“Wh-wha? I didn’t say that!” He stammered

You laughed and rolled your eyes.

“Oh please, John. You’re no James Bond with your sneaking around. I know every time you were ‘hanging out with the boys’ you were really just with Alex, even Lafayette’s figured that much out. Next time you need an alibi you should make sure the people you’re using as your alibi actually know to go along with it.”

John flailed as he grabbed your hand.

“You can’t tell him, I haven’t said anything to him yet. And…and Alex isn’t into guys.”

You furrowed your brows and looked at John skeptically.

“Sure he is. He’s bi, didn’t you know? He even had a thing with Lafayette years ago.”

John’s expression mimicked a fish quite nicely as his mouth opened and closed in shock. A part of you was happy to see the spark of hope that lit up in his eyes even as another part wanted so desperately for John to look at you that way. Still, John was a good man and you wanted to see him happy, so if the only part you get to play in his life is the loyal friend then that’s what you’ll do.

You clasped his hand in yours and gave him a smile.

“How about we get some delivery and talk things over? I mean, I’m going to need to move out, and we’ll have to come up with a plan of attack to get you with Alex, right? Laf and Herc can help us with that.”

The man gaped at you before he threw his arms around your shoulders, pulling you in a tight hug. Pressed against his body, you could feel him trembling.

“Y/N…th-thank you…I know I should have told you sooner and I’m so sorry, but..just…thank you.”

Returning the hug, you patted his back with a sigh.

“Yeah, well, help me find another boyfriend and we’ll call it even, ok?”

He laughed and nodded.

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

**_END_ **

Poor John…and poor you…it sucks that we still live in a world where people have to fake relationships because of sexuality.

I hope this was ok, I didn’t want to make the reader throw tantrums and get pissy over John’s confession because, I mean, seriously, none of that’s going to change the other person’s sexuality. Getting lied to would suck, but if that was my partner I’d feel more awful for them because they needed to hide themselves.

Anyway, thanks for reading!!!!!!!! Kudos and comments forever adored :D

  
(You can find me on tumblr: **[la-frenchiest-frite](https://la-frenchiest-frite.tumblr.com/)** )

 


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